My perfect day would be to wake up refreshed every morning, have a good piping hot cup of coffee as I sit down and answer all my messages and emails. This would only take an hour. Then I would have each hour blocked out - sewing time, packing time, phone calls, shopping time, lunch, dinner, stop at 6pm and then have time for a relaxing evening.
Well, this never pans out. It never works out this way. Ive tried and tried and tried. Its just the nature of my business to be chaotically organized. I work til I'm too tired to work and I work 7 days a week if I have to. ( ok - its called being a workaholic - I admit this!) I AM actually very organized. Just trying to do the work of 5 people at the moment is all, and this can make me look disorganized. But I know where everything is. I know who needs what, I know when orders are due - and I try to be very honest about how long it takes to make things. Its a "custom" garment biz that Ive going on here - and a ready to wear - and a Bridal. I love it all. And it all overlaps at times. It has to. But when I'm focusing on YOUR item, I really need to focus. So sometimes we have to wait until these two talented hands can complete something nice for you. I had a friend not so long ago tell me that she never thought of me as an organized person until she saw me getting ready to go vend somewhere. Um yes. You must be very organized. So if I appear silly or goofy or laid back........I am also very aware and very serious about what I do. When I win that lottery - WATCH OUT WORLD!!!!!!
Reality: I have a mountain of work to do. I have to get new orders. I'm behind in some of my older orders. Ive got a bag of packages that need to be sent, I have patterns to draft, merchandise to sew up for
Etsy and
SF Mecca, supply orders to make, shopping to do, patterns to clean up for production, places to be, people to see, admin, admin, admin..........and I sometimes wonder why I do this to myself. Why do I want to be trying to run a business all by myself - especially in this awful economic climate?
Ive wondered this a lot lately. Is it worth it? Ive spent sleepless nights wondering about many. many things. I even had hives for a few weeks.
Note the circles under my eyes:
But what it comes down to is that I love my job. I love it almost more than anything. I will continue to feed it and nurture it and make it grow. I love the life that Ive carved out for myself. I love my customers - many have become my friends. While, when I'm not flush, its hard to go out and have fun. Hell, its hard to make ends meet...........but the rewards are insanely wonderful. (and I'm sure not the only one feeling the pinch these days!) And when I am flush, life is pretty damned great!
I can sit around in pretty things (or not) and make more pretty things. I can help make people feel good about themselves, I can repair and alter garments and give them more life. I am actually helping out the planet by doing this. I can take almost every scrap of fabric that I buy and create something out of it. I can give the rest to someone else to make something . I hate waste.......... I'm proud of myself. I don't have a boss - well, my customers are my boss - and they are very good supportive bosses for the most part. They keep me on my toes. I'm very lucky and blessed by all the support.
I am loving myself and my life and wearing pretty things today (and this is my good angle):
Ive been trying to hide it, but I have not been happy with living in San Francisco. Not for quite some time. It has been for me like living with a bad boyfriend who gives you hot sex and makes it hard for you to go. but he just isn't there for you and can be abusive/controlling/manipulative. Its been a 20+ year run and I don't regret any of it. There were LOTS of good times. I could - and should write a book. Seriously. Ive had many, many, many "interesting" experiences! But its not the town it once was, and while I'm sure that I will always be surrounded by the interesting and unique experiences that life has to offer, I would like to try them outside of the city limits now. I need a change of scene.
And while I love my
roommate to death, we both need more space. The deal was that when we moved into our current flat, I would go find a workspace and not work in the house. But then the bottom fell out and the economy tanked. EVERYTHING that I have looked at was overpriced and way too small. Obscenely so. And I'm tired of this, I need a good workshop. You can see by my photos that I need more space. I need room to move and room to grow. I want a beautiful shop where people want to come and have fun, not worry about parking, not worry about the "element" if you know what I mean.
And when we sat down to discuss this, it was all good and we decided to go on a road trip to Seattle next weekend. Now thats a good roommate. No, thats a good friend!
Also, a few weeks back, I had had just one too many run ins with the down and out on my block, and while, God bless em - they checked out long ago and I'm sure it wasn't always their fault ..........something clicked inside and a big voice boomed out of my mouth -"ENOUGH!!!!!!! I'M DONE!!!!!"
Last week, I filled out an application for a live/work space about 20 minutes from the Bay Bridge. Far enough away to be away from the City Proper and close enough to run in for supplies, friends, and dance classes. It would be a win/win situation. I'm just waiting to hear if I get it. I sure hope I do. But if not, its the first step towards healthy, positive changes for myself and for my business. I'm ready for a new life. Something else will come along if I don't get this little oasis that I
lust applied for.........but the Universe has told me GO and I am listening this time! The push is on........ch ch ch cha change are a brewin! I'll keep you posted!
In the meantime, its work and life as usual. But "as usual" is never usual. It is different every day!
kc.costumecouture@gmail.com